The Loving Husband

He had it all.  He was a blue blood and his breeding was impeccable.  The estate was magnificent and his wants and needs were pleasantly fulfilled.  He was a bit absent minded and a good sort of fellow.  He tended to putter and never really excelled at any one thing. Everyone adored Lord Richard.  He was kind and charitable to everyone.  His household staff held him in high esteem and looked after him as they would an adored child.  Of course in everyone's life something has to happen to challenge their perfect world and for Lord Richard it was when he learned that his estate was becoming financially burdened and his annuity was showing a shortfall, something had to be done.  He could not sell his land because it was entailed and he was  already living a very simple, yet noble lifestyle.  So he did what any blue blooded Englishman would do, he decided to take a wife that could solve his dilemma.

He immediately embarked on a visit to the "delinquent daughter" of Great Britain and ventured into the high society of the United States.  Socialites were clamoring to meet the handsome English Lord, how they loved his accent and prudish ways.  He was the talk of the town and everyone felt privileged to entertain him.  Parties were held nightly in his honor and everyone who was anyone were vying to outdo the other.  Lord Richard by nature was an introvert and parties exhausted him, he was rather stunned at the crassness of the Americans and found their accents a bit grating on the nerves.  However, one must do what one must do for blood and country and all.

 When she entered the room all the men stopped and stared and all the women glared with hatred and envy.  She floated across the room as though her feet were not touching the floor.  Her perfume was intoxicating,  her green eyes sparkled as she smiled with the most perfect teeth Lord Richard had ever seen.  She was bathed in silk and diamonds as she reached out her hand to introduce herself, "Charrmed to meet ya, I'm shore" said she.  It was the most disturbing sound he had ever heard!  How can such an enchanting creature have a voice so hellish?

Her name was Brenda Schwartz-Miller-DeLano.  As her title implied, her "bloodline" was one of poor, rich, and richer.  Brenda was known to her friends as "Bunny", someone once explained with a wink, that rabbits have sex until they pass out.  She was born  a poor American Jew from the lower east side of New York.  She decided she wanted the typical Jewish-American Princess dream on the day she started working at Tiffany's of New York. Everyday she watched the rich and famous come and go.  She secretly coveted the merchandise and whenever she could she offered to model any item some wealthy man was considering for his wife or lover.   She dreamed of decking herself out in diamonds and dancing the night away at one of their fancy parties on the arm of some wealthy man.

 Her dream began on a cold spring day when Ben Miller came in to buy his daughter a graduation gift.  He was short and bald and had bad breath. When he laid eyes on Brenda his breath was thankfully taken away.  He immediately imagined the perfect plan.  He would take this lovely girl to his daughter's graduation party and completely enrage and humiliate his recently ex-wife.  He was not shy and came right out with his proposal.  Of course he had to seal the deal with the first of many little trinkets to make Brenda sparkle.  Ben was not disappointed when his wife turned every shade of green and blue upon their arrival.  Ben was so pleased that he quickly sealed the deal with a quickie wedding in Las Vegas.  He was so excited he forgot to sign the pre-nup and when Bunny was done he didn't pass out, he died with a smile on his face.

Her dream continued with Mr. DeLano.  He was a man of many talents.  He prided himself on having a piece of many pies.  He started out a small time mobster but soon realized, as many of his friends were ending up in the pen, that he wanted to go legit.  So politics became his new passion.  He did well, and soon he was rubbing shoulders with all the big wigs.  With his hands in many pockets he was considering a run for the Senate.
Brenda was his biggest supporter and she was always there at the parties and rally's waving her flag.   When the soon to be Senator was feeling a little lonely after his wife checked into Betty Ford she was there to give him a little comfort.  They didn't notice the reporter hiding in the lobby.  He decided to make an honest woman of her and they married as fast as the divorce was final.   There were attempts to hush it all up, but unlike Donald Trump, he did not have a great hairdo or obnoxious TV show and they were unsuccessful.  His political career waning, he looked up a few old friends and business was soon booming again, unfortunately, so was his car.  The poor widow was duly compensated for her loss by his life insurance and some "hidden"assets.  Brenda needed to start anew.  Somewhere her "assets" could remain hidden from certain friends and one special "Uncle" by the name of Sam.

And so, two people, from very different places, with needs that the other could fulfill, met on a hot summer night.   Lord Richard was a practical man and he knew in time he could grow to love the sound of her voice and if not, perhaps she would run out of things to say.  He was not so sure about her calling him "Dickie"and decided that once they were settled he would have a little chat with her about it.

Lady Brenda, that was a nice bonus to the whole set up.  Yes, she saw the whole thing as just an arrangement.  Lord Richard was a handsome man, and for that she was relieved.  He was boring as the day was long and seemed simple minded and easy to please.  She was sure she could keep him happy and find plenty to keep herself occupied.  He told her to plan the nuptials.  She was determined to give Charles and Diana a run for their money.  It was to be a lavash affair!  All of her American friends and rivals were thrilled, mostly to see her far removed from the competition.  In all the preparations, Richard's Solicitors took care of the legal needs of the union.  To be a Lady required patents and papers and there was talk of entailments, insurance, duties, family jewels, household staff!  Her head was spinning!

The wedding was all she had hoped for.  Lord and Lady Mountbaum left to honeymoon on a grand tour of Europe.  They stayed at the best hotels and dined with royalty and presidents, for Lady Brenda the time flew by but to Lord Richard his greatest relief was when they finally arrived at the estate.  The household staff were all expectantly lined up to greet the new Lady of the Manor.  Each gave a small curtsey or bow as they were introduced, Lady Brenda smiled sweetly and eyed each, wondering why there were so many!  When she entered the grand entrance hall she was suddenly made aware that she just might be out of her element, so to speak.

It went about as well as the time Mrs. Obama tried to hug the Queen.  Lady Brenda was quickly getting tired of being mistress of the manor.  She just wanted to be plain old Bunny and have some laughs.    Her one joy was to take her red corvette, the only thing she insisted on bringing with her, for a drive down to the village to cut loose with some locals at the pub.  She did love the English countryside and learned quickly to drive the narrow winding roads as fast as she could.  Everyone knew she was coming when they heard the squealing tires and the bass beat shaking all the windows and scaring children and farm animals.  Her one little challenge was to remember what side of the road to drive on.  Many a local farmer or milk man told stories of crazy Lady Brenda in her American hot rod.

So life just carried on.  Lord Richard had what he needed and that was his estate secure and running well.  He went back to his simple puttering and just smiled quietly as his wife took her daily trips to who knew where.  He did not seem to really care that she was not discreet and every one was to polite to say anything to him.  He did enjoy the peace and quiet when she was not about.  Nobody of any consequence paid her any attention.  There were plenty of men out to have a good time and some who hoped for more.   Lord Richard saw to it that Brenda had all that she could ever need.  Cash was considered rather common and crass so she was given accounts at all the shops.  Suddenly she realizing what an entailment was.  She was determined more than ever to do as she pleased and to hell with appearances.  Poor Lord Richard, that is what everyone thought.

One day Brenda cornered Lord Richard in the garages. He was puttering around with a few of his favorite old classic cars.  "Dickie dear, I cannot for the life of me find one mechanic that will fix my car!  I insist you take some time from these heaps you love so much and fix my car yourself!  I need the brakes done and the fluids all checked, oh you know what to do!  I am going up to take a nap.  I have some engagements to attend this evening and I won't be home until quite late!", she then turned in a  huff and was gone before he even got past the sound of her calling him that dreadful name!

It took him two hours to figure out how to remove the tires.  He puttered all day and well past supper and tea.  He was feeling rather proud of himself when he was finally done.  It was a beast of a machine!  He was just about to exit the garages when Brenda came flying by, grabbing the keys and saying "Thanks love, don't wait up!"  She nearly ran him down as she barreled down the drive and around the corner without slowing as she nearly ran the caretakers son down!

Lord Richard was sitting in the drawing room with a warm brandy and his favorite pipe when the constable was shown in.  He was told of her tragic accident.  She was on the wrong side of the road and her brakes seemed to have failed as she missed the turn but not the tree.  You know, the old oak at the bottom of the hill.  So sad.  Perhaps you could salvage the car sir.

Lord Richard hoped that the next time he wouldn't have any left over parts.