The Legacy

Once lost, it is lost forever! That was my father’s unrelenting mantra. “Michael,” he’d say solemnly, “one must always be honest; integrity is the cornerstone of civilization. Remember, if you lose someone’s trust or respect, it is lost forever.”

My first memory of hearing the expression happened when I was six. As I went into the house for dinner, my father saw that I had been crying. “What is it, son?” he asked kindly.

“I was playing marbles with Jeff, and he lied to me, I sobbed. “He said if I won two games, he’d give me his orange cat’s eye, but he didn’t, Dad; he lied. He lied!

My father gently put his arm on my trembling shoulder. “Could there be a misunderstanding, Michael?” he asked gently.

“No, Dad, he just said he changed his mind and that he’d never give his favorite marble to anyone.”

I could feel my Dad tense, and his voice sounded firm and angry. “You can never trust Jeff again! He has proven himself to be dishonest and once that trust is lost, it is lost forever!”

When I was ten, our Pastor taught a powerful sermon on forgiveness. He sharply thumped the pulpit with his fist; every head rose from slumber, and everyone listened attentively. Then Pastor Mike got quiet, and we all leaned forward, straining to hear his message. By the time the sermon was over, I think all of us in the Congregation were eager to forgive our neighbor and anyone else we happened upon.

My Dad did not attend Church with us, so that afternoon I told him about the sermon. He seemed a little annoyed and said that, yes, it’s o-k to forgive some things, but if someone proves themselves to be untrustworthy, that’s that! Period! Once trust is lost, it is lost forever. He said that if I always remembered that, I’d save myself a lot of grief down the road. Even at ten, I could recognize that Dad’s advice was totally opposite from Pastor Mike’s sermon. This discrepancy puzzled me and was a source of worry for quite a while. Nevertheless, because of my deep love and admiration for Dad, his position on the subject eventually eclipsed Pastor Mike’s inspiring sermon.

Years later, when I was a Junior in High School, I worked with my Dad in his auto repair shop. This gave me the opportunity to witness many instances of his integrity. One time, for example, he fired a mechanic named Henry because he had fixed a woman’s brakes when there really wasn’t anything wrong with them. When I looked puzzled at Dad, he simply stated, “I can’t trust him any longer, son. He’s lost my trust, and once lost, it is lost forever.” Dad’s business did very well because people knew they could trust Dad when it came to car repairs and fairness.

Dad and I shared a close bond. I loved and appreciated Mom, too, but I shared so many experiences with Dad that we came to rely on each other and treasure our time together. Dad was always supportive of me as I explored new hobbies and tried out a variety of sports. I had started thinking about college and was considering what I should major in. Dad’s main input was, of course, “I’ll support you in any decision; just remember to focus on integrity in whatever you do. Remember, if people lose their trust in you, once it’s lost, it’s lost forever.”

Dad kept his shop open late on Wednesdays for people who couldn’t come in during regular hours. He’d take both a sack lunch and a sack dinner. When he came though the door at 8:30 on Wednesday nights, he practically fell into bed. One Wednesday, Mom had made Dad’s favorite cinnamon rolls so I decided to take him some before closing. When I arrived, there was only one car in the lot besides his. I walked in the side door and saw the light on in Dad’s glass-enclosed office. He obviously didn’t see me as I watched him, intertwined and disheveled, with Bonnie Jean, our neighbor from down the street. They were kissing . . . hard . . . deep . . . heavy. . . .

I had trusted and respected my Dad completely, but at that moment I walked away from him and never truly connected with him again. Dad had done a thorough job teaching me about trust: Once lost, it is lost forever.