Jacob's Bio

Abandoned at birth, I was raised by a family of wild garden gnomes in a far-off land. They fed me their horrible gnome-food, regurgitated from their hellishly vile bellies. It tasted like chicken cooked in diesel oil. As most children do, I rebelled and became a well-adjusted, contributing member of modern society. I can often be found practicing my Gnomish with random garden gnomes around town, at least until their owners file a restraining order. I also like to cook, but not with diesel. I have always wanted to write down my experiences, both in my head and in the real world, as a warning to others.